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Marriage – God’s Way (#15)

BLOG SERIES: MY JOURNEY

When I think about Adam and Eve’s relationship, I think about a relationship that was sanctioned by God. One that was divinely orchestrated and created by God for a purpose.

God created Adam and Eve especially for each other. He made Eve the perfect help mate for Adam. The two of them together were to stand guard over and tend to God’s creation. He placed them in the garden and gave them authority to rule on the earth, in His stead. They were perfectly complementary of each other. Where one was weak, the other was strong.

Eve filled a void for Adam. Although Adam walked and talked with God on a regular basis, God said to Adam, “It is not good for man to be alone.”

God recognized that Adam needed companionship on the earth. He needed someone that he could relate to on his level. Someone who could fill the void of the human heart that God, as a loving Father, could not fill.

God knew that Adam needed Eve in his life. And once He created Eve, He knew that she also needed Adam in her life. Their bond was one of loving devotion to God, and to each other. They were comrades together on this earth — partners. They supported one another, and built up and strengthened each other. God designed something special when He created the man and the woman.

Garden of Eden

 

 

 

God’s ideal for marriage is one man and one woman who perfectly complement each other. Theirs is a bond that is unique and unlike any other relationship on the earth.

Marriage makes us better, stronger, wiser, and more mature. When we are able to give of ourselves sacrificially to strengthen our bond with our spouse, we can then understand the great love that Jesus had for the church when He sacrificed His life so that we might have life, and life more abundantly.

Love is sacrificial in nature. You don’t mind giving of yourself in order to see your spouse happy. It’s not always about ‘me’, it’s now about ‘us’. And when ‘us’ is the center of your focus, selfishness is erased. Selfishness has contributed to the death of many marriages.

A good man is hard to find.

We’ve often heard people say that a good man is hard to find. These people are on a quest to find a good husband; one who brings joy and sunshine to their lives rather than heartache and destruction.

There have been many marriages that ended badly because one, or both, of the partners were not willing to do the work required to sustain a good marriage — and it is work. Maintaining a good marriage requires work!

Broken HeartI often watch women go into relationships with men who I am almost certain will bring nothing but heartache and misery to their lives. The warning signs are usually there from the beginning, but these women often ignore the warning signs, preferring instead to follow their emotions, or their strong desire to have someone in their life, often at any cost.

And there are mothers who often search out “good” women for their wayward sons, convinced that all he needs is a “good woman” to turn his life around. She thinks that a good woman will settle him down and make him a better man.

This mother obviously loves her son and wants to make him into a better man, and feels that a good woman is the thing that can accomplish this. But what this mother fails to realize is that there are two people in a marriage. And if you have one person who’s not mature, or who is not marriage material, then the marriage will more than likely not turn out well.

Woman Crossing ArmsAlso, doesn’t this good woman also deserve to have a good husband? This mother wants her son to have a good woman when her son doesn’t deserve a good woman. He hasn’t earned her. He must first work on himself and change his life for the better before he should even consider getting married, otherwise he will just destroy someone else’s life the way he has already destroyed his.

Mothers, love your sons…yes; and of course, it’s natural for you to want the best for them — but not at someone else’s expense.

You know your son better than anyone else. Sometimes it’s a good idea to warn women who are considering getting involved with your son. You know he’s not marriage material…yet.

Marriage is not the thing that will reform him. The reformation he needs must take place inside of him, before he gets married. Love must not be blind. Love must acknowledge the truth staring it in the face.

I was blessed with a wonderful husband. He was in my life for about nine years (total) before he passed away from cancer. I waited on God for this husband. And I strongly believe that God put us together, however briefly, for a special reason. He added so much love and joy to my life. I’m still living on these love/joy fumes today!

True Love.

True love is something that is hard to describe. True love lasts forever — and often outlasts the life of the parties involved.

True love does not cause you to jump from relationship to relationship.

True love does not seek fulfillment outside of your marriage. (This is selfish love. Love for only yourself, your wants, and your needs.)

True love also sticks in there when things get tough. True love is willing to ride out the waves — together. People usually search their entire lives for this type of love, and some find it but most do not.

I love hearing of people who have been married for 40, 50, 60 years. We really need to take our hats off to people who have been able to maintain a marriage for this amount of time. It would be nice if we could gather these people’s stories and compile them into a book.

People need this type of motivation and encouragement to stick with their marriage today. Too many have made the decision to walk away from their marriage. We all need to know how to survive the ups and downs that all marriages go through.

Today, we seem to be under the impression that if we find a different spouse then we will have a better marriage. And some people go from spouse to spouse in search of the perfect marriage.

But what they fail to realize is that the common denominator in all of those marriages, is THEM. As long as we keep taking our same attitudes about marriage into a new marriage, all of our future marriages will end up like our previous marriages.

The answer is usually not a different/better spouse, but being committed to the marriage we’re in; committed to making it work. Committed to working through our differences. Committed to riding out the rough patches that many marriages go through. Committed to following God’s plan for a healthy marriage.

God’s plan for marriages always breeds successful marriages. This plan does not lead to divorce.

God’s plan for marriage.

I believe God designed marriage for the benefit of man, so that both the man and the woman would have the love they so desperately need (but within the bounds of a healthy, God-ordained relationship), so that no one would be lonely, and so the earth would continue to be populated. It’s when we step outside the boundaries of a God-sanctioned marriage that we run into trouble.

Holy Bible Read Me!If you want to have a successful marriage, study God’s word, which leads us into not only a right relationship with God, but also into a right relationship with our fellow man.

The Bible tells us how we should treat our spouse, giving selflessly of ourselves because we love our spouse and value our marriage.

The Bible also tells us how to keep our marriage pure and holy, not defiling it by bringing in ungodly practices and/or negative influences.

If you want to have a long, successful marriage, make up your mind to do so, and be willing to do the work required to bring about a healthy and fulfilling marriage. God will help you along the way. Talk to Him daily and watch Him lead you into His will as it relates to marriage.

Anything worth having is worth fighting for. And I believe a good marriage is worth fighting for. No, it won’t always be easy; nothing in life is easy. But there is a reward in knowing that you gave it your all and that you were, with hard work and determination, able to make it work.

I think the best thing we can all do for ourselves is to not enter into marriage until we feel that we are mature enough to be married. We should also make sure we are only marrying people we feel are equally as passionate about marriage as we are, and who are as determined to make a marriage work.

We all have a sixth sense. We can usually tell if a person is marriage material. But walking into a marriage with our eyes closed, refusing to look at the truth staring us in the face, is never wise and will almost always lead to disappointment.

Take time to get to know the person before you marry them. And listen to your gut; our gut is usually always right. And most importantly, pray to God for direction and pray for Him to lead you to the spouse that He has just for you. I trust God’s judgment more than anyone else’s. God can see things that we cannot see.

The institution of marriage should be joyfully embraced for it truly is a blessed institution, IF we do it God’s way. God’s way is never wrong.

(In the next post I talk about my journey to marriage. Stay tuned! 🙂 )

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2 Comments on "Marriage – God’s Way (#15)"

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Jackie Darling
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Jeanita, Your words are so true. I wish that I had read them 30 years ago as they would have helped me realize many things about myself prior to getting married. We have to bring gifts to the marriage (love, joy, peace, maturity, and steadfastness) versus expecting the marriage to magically bring these gifts to you from the other person. It has to be discussed and agreed upon as milestones to reach and sustain as you journey in your marriage. There are no older women (like in Titus) that younger women can go to now days to hear the words… Read more »
Jeanita
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Jackie, It’s true. I set my standards high from the beginning and refused to back down. I knew what I wanted and what I would not settle for. There is a difference between having high standards and having unrealistic standards. Some women are without a spouse because they tend to think that most people, men included, is beneath them. This type of woman will always be alone. Because, even if a good man comes along, she would not be able to receive him. She would nag him to death and try to control and change him. But when we refuse… Read more »
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